December 17, 2011

Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence, seeing how you react. If you're in control, they're in control.
-Tom Landry, NFL Coach, Dallas Cowboys

Have you ever had a really good teacher? Someone that you really looked up to?  I had a great teacher in first grade.  Her name was Ms. Green.  She was so kind, patient and loving.  She never seemed to bring any negative feelings from outside.  Our classroom was a haven of positive energy.  I realize I draw on examples I learned in her room in my role as a father, husband and back when I was a high school history teacher.  Even now I can hear Ms. Green’s words guiding me in my hypnotherapy practice. Believe me, I’ve had my share of teachers who didn’t always react to well to difficult situations or difficult students (like me) but that’s another blog post.

There was a situation today at the high school across the street from my home.  When I was out for my walk I saw the school was surrounded by police cars and there was a white news van on scene.  I figured this couldn’t be good.  My first assumption was that some kind of gang violence had erupted.  It’s not that big a stretch of the imagination.  I’ve seen my share of violence in school.  The first public school I taught at in Brooklyn back in the early 90’s had metal detectors and police officers patrolling the halls.  The year before I arrived several students and even a teacher had been shot.  After asking a few students who were milling around outside, I got the scoop on today’s shenanigans. There had been a scuffle but it was between two teachers!  Apparently, one had stabbed the other several times with a screwdriver.  The attacking teacher had been taken away in a police car and the second teacher had left in an ambulance. It’s hard to know what could push one professional educator to such a response.  No statement had been released so all I could do was ponder what could cause a veteran English teacher to attack a peer. All I had were questions. How do I feel about this as a parent?  What if my child was present? How would I help them handle this?  What could I possible say to her?  How would I have reacted to something like this when I was in high school?

There are always issues when people are involved.  We don’t live in a perfect world.  Maybe there was bad blood between the two teachers. Maybe there were problems at home and she brought them to school. It’s all speculation.  I'm not here to judge. What I will say is that teachers are leaders and although teachers are human beings students in their care will always look to them to figure out how they're supposed to handle things.

It's not always possible to have control of the situation but as young people mature they're taught to have a certain measure of control over their words and actions. When we resort to violence in response to a conflict that we have with a colleague, neighbor or family member it symbolizes our lack of control. When a leader is promoted to that position is with an understanding that he or she will be able to demonstrate a level of control over their words and actions and thereby inspire the same within the people that they are leading.  Leadership is no great mystery. It's hard work and often the rewards are few, kind of like being a teacher. Few people have what it takes to be a true leader because few people have self-control.  We don't see coaches throwing tantrums on the sidelines at basketball games the way we used to in the past. They're growing up and exhibiting greater self-control. True leaders model composure under stress and show their team how to find that same strength within themselves. Your calm, courage, and composure are infectious. In the same way, your agitation, fear and “frazzledness” are catching.

Leadership is not about having the title of “boss”. This post is meant to remind you that you have the same potential to be a great leader like Tom Landry. Whether or not you are a coach, teacher, parent or supervisor. Especially if you don't hold any of those titles you can remind the people around you that they possess more inner control than they might suspect.  The confident manner you exhibit today is likely a result of difficult experiences when you were less than confident. But you made it to today and you've accepted the mantle of leadership (even if you don't have the title). Hopefully, if you’re a parent you'll never hear from your child that one of his teachers attacked someone in the hall with a knife.  Regardless of what you may go through, self-hypnosis allows you to mentally practice behaving in a calm, composed manner in difficult situations.  Use it before a crisis occurs in your gym or dojo.

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